Ah yes, the author signing — that mythical event where we imagine ourselves basking in the glow of literary fame. Fans lined up out the door, clutching our books to their chests, ready to gush, “You changed my life!”

Cute. Let’s talk about reality.

Expectation: Rockstar Treatment

 You picture yourself sitting at a sleek table with a spotlight overhead, sipping free lattes while your pen glides across stacks of books.

Reality: You’re wedged between a bake sale and a lost-and-found table, trying not to drip Sharpie ink on your own sleeve. The spotlight? That’s just the flickering fluorescent bulb overhead.

Expectation: Endless Fans

In your mind, the line is so long they’re handing out wristbands. Security might have to step in.

Reality: Your first “fan” is your cousin Brenda, who promised to come if she got a ride. The second is a guy who thought this was a Costco sample line and just wants to know if the book comes in “spicy.”

Expectation: Profound Conversations

You’re prepared to discuss the deeper symbolism of your work and what inspired your characters.

Reality: Someone picks up your book, flips it over, and says, “So… is this like Harry Potter?”

Expectation: Endless Sales

You dreamed of selling out. Cash register ringing. Boxes empty.

Reality: You end up buying three of your own books just so the table doesn’t look sad. (Don’t worry, they make great Christmas gifts. Again.)

The Takeaway

Author signings aren’t glamorous. They’re awkward, messy, hilarious, and — let’s be honest — kind of amazing. Because even if only a handful of people show up, you get to connect, laugh, and maybe even convince one stranger that your book is worth reading. And that? That’s pure gold.

Besides… those brownies from the bake sale were worth it. 🍫😉